My broken heart hurts worse than these broken bones
by wolfypuppypiles
Summary: Alec is distraught after his and Magnus' argument about the soul sword and the way Alec lied about it. So, when he gets hurt, he doesn't think he deserves Magnus' help, and hides it instead. This, of course, does not make things better and Magnus finds out in the worst way.


"Alec move!" Jace's yell was so loud, it seemed to smack him in the head. He looked up in time to see the rogue vampire they were chasing, surging towards him, and managed to step aside in time for Izzy to ensnare it with her whip.

The blonde came over and took hold of Alec's arm, pulling him to face him as their sister read the vamp its rights.

"What was that?! Alec, look at me. You could have gotten yourself killed!"

Izzy looked over to them in worry, but Alec shook Jace's hands off and began walking back to the institute. He muttered a reply, throwing it over his shoulder to his siblings as they watched him with concern.

"I got distracted. Sorry. I'll meet you back at the institute."

Jace pressed a hand to his Parabatai rune. He could feel how heartbroken Alec was, and he knew something must have happened between him and Magnus but Alec didn't want to talk about it.

Isabelle sighed and pushed the, now handcuffed, vampire in front of her. "He'll be okay. Maybe just give him time."

Jace didn't like the hollow feeling inside his brother, and he didn't like Alec not talking to him either. But he nodded and helped his sister with the prisoner.

Alec felt like crap, Magnus had basically broken up with him, and he couldn't blame him, but it didn't make it easier.

He was walking to his office, to either cry or do his work, he hadn't decided, but didn't make it there before being interrupted.

He didn't even see it coming, the huge mass of fur and teeth and claws, but it barrelled into him all the same. He was thrown to the ground, head smacking against the hard floor, as the werewolf landed on top of him. He felt the crack of his ribs as they broke, all breath pushed out of him, and the sharp piercing of claws into his skin.

The wolf was rabid, trying to bite into Alec's neck, but he managed to kick the thing off him before it got its teeth any closer. Shadowhunters gathered around, pulling the werewolf away, and asking if he was okay.

All he wanted to do was curl into himself, to stop the pain in his chest, but then someone mentioned calling a certain warlock. He shook his head quickly, instantly regretting it as dizziness and nausea overtook him, and grit his teeth against the pain as he got to his feet.

"I'm fine, no one call anybody. Get that werewolf under control, and have the paperwork on my desk by this afternoon."

Someone muttered out a 'yes sir' as someone else tried to take his arm.

"Hey, are you sure you're okay, Alec? You went down pretty hard."

The Lightwood turned to the familiar voice and saw Clary, looking at him with concern.

He wasn't okay, his head hurt and his ribs were definitely broken. He could already feel blood running down his chest, from where the wolfs claws got him.

"I'll be fine, I just need to get back to work."

She didn't look convinced and he was really, too dizzy, and winded to walk on his own, so he allowed her to help him get to his office.

"Thanks."

She helped sit him in a chair, and knelt to try and see his face, but he covered it with a hand as he rubbed his temples, to try and quell the headache that was forming.

Clary's voice was quiet and worried. "You should go to the infirmary, or have Magnus che-"

"No!" The girl recoiled at his interruption, looking shocked at his reaction to the warlock's name. Alec gave her an apologetic look and gripped her arm instead.

"I'm fine. I'll use an iratze, just don't tell anyone about this, okay? Don't tell Izzy or Jace and don't call… don't call Magnus. I'm fine, and they'll only worry. There's no need to distract them when so much else is going on."

She didn't look as though she believed him, but nodded anyway, knowing she should accept any offering of trust from Alec, since he didn't give them often.

He thanked her and she left, closing the door behind her as he requested. God, he hurt. He almost didn't want to look.

Maybe he should just go to the infirmary. Alec pulled his shirt up, and cursed. His chest was smeared in blood, with claw marks running down his skin. Thankfully, they weren't deep, but he'd need to wash them out and cover them so they wouldn't get infected.

He knew he should do these things, but he was too tired and sore to move much at all. This would be so much easier if he had help.

But if he went to the infirmary, his siblings would be called and they would call Magnus and he'd have to explain what had happened. That would totally go well.

"Yeah, I lied to Magnus, after he shared his deepest fears with me. I'm a terrible person and now my boyfriend can't stand to look at me. I broke his heart. I deserve this pain."

No, he couldn't tell anyone. He'd deal with it himself.

It was just a couple of claw marks and broken ribs, he could handle that. He'd had worse.

Alec drew an iratze rune as well as a stamina one for good measure, and made his way to his bedroom, teeth clenched against the pain the whole way.

He did feel a little better once he'd cleaned and covered the punctures on his chest, and his ribs weren't throbbing so badly once he'd iced them. But, he really just wanted to sleep and he couldn't because he still had a meeting to go to, and prisoners and missions to organise.

The voice in the back of his mind, told him he should be going to the infirmary to get properly checked over, but he ignored it, like he ignored the headache that wouldn't go away.

Alec took as deep a breath as he could manage, before straightening his shirt and heading off to his meeting. It wasn't until he stepped into his office again, that he remembered who the meeting was with.

Magnus stood towards the back of the room, arms crossed and face a mask of apathy. It hurt Alec's heart just to see him there, and he almost didn't go in. But Jace and Izzy were watching the two curiously and he couldn't just run away.

How could he have forgotten Magnus was coming? How could something like that slip his mind?

Alec walked in, despite the way his chest tightened and made it hard to breathe, and sat at his desk, trying to organise his thoughts.

"Thanks for coming, I know it's…difficult."

Magnus didn't say anything, eyes hard and cold. Alec looked down at his desk instead and tried again.

"With all the threats to deal with right now, I think it best to strengthen the wards and put down some extra…uh…extra charms. To control the rogue downworlders being arrested."

Izzy frowned, leaning towards her brother. "Alec? Are you okay?"

Alec looked up, confused. "I'm fine."

Jace was giving him the same concerned stare that Isabelle was. "You're slurring your words a little."

The elder Lightwood shook his head, waving away their concern, even as his head spun and his chest grew tighter.

"No, I'm not. Now… umm…there's a lot going on right and there are a lot more…downworlders being brought in so I think we should strengthen the wards and put some extra charms around to keep them under control."

Izzy stood from her seat, looking a little scared. "You already said that. Alec, what's wrong with you?"

Magnus uncrossed his arms, dropping them to his sides as he stepped a little closer, watching as Alec frowned and blinked tiredly.

"Did I? I don't remember that."

Jace came around the other side of the desk and laid a hand on his brother's forehead.

"What's going on, buddy? Iz, he feels clammy, and he looks a little pale."

Alec's dizziness was growing worse, and he couldn't concentrate on anything anymore. He didn't even know what the meeting was supposed to be about. Jace and Izzy were still talking but all Alec could think of was the way Magnus had looked at him.

He brushed Jace's hand away and attempted to stand from his seat, to try and go back to his room.

"I have to go."

But as soon as he stood, his vision was overtaken with black spots, the room spinning dangerously. He caught himself on the side of his desk when his knees gave out, but the pressure on his ribs was too much, and he cried out in pain.

"Alec!" All three pairs of hands reached for him as he fell, but he didn't feel any of them as he lost consciousness.

…

Alec was in pain. But it wasn't as bad as it was before, it was more numb now, muted as if there were a barrier between himself and the hurt. He was glad for it. He was too tired to be sore.

Someone touched his chest, smoothing out something like a blanket, across his aching body. It was comforting, knowing he wasn't alone, and Alec used that touch to find the surface of the dark he was floating in.

Hazel eyes opened to a low-lit room, one that he recognised as his own bedroom. He was in bed, and Magnus was standing at a table covered in bandages and potions, a box of vials and bottles clinking as the warlock moved them around. He was looking at the Nephilim for only a second, before Alec's eyes found his and they quickly flickered back to his work.

He was mad. More, mad than before. Alec could tell, in the way his shoulders stiffened and the hardness of the grip of his fingers around the little glass bottles.

"Magnus?" Alec's voice was weak, and he found himself to be extremely tired, limbs stiff as if he'd been in bed for a while.

The warlock didn't respond, didn't even look at him. Alec couldn't stand it. The space between them felt like a chasm he'd rather fall into than be held apart by.

"Magnus, please just talk to me. Let me explain." When he still didn't reply, Alec tried to sit up, pushing himself up on his weak arms and reaching for the warlock. But the movement hurt too much and he groaned, clenching his eyes shut against the pain.

Magnus quickly rushed over and placed a hand behind Alec's head, the other on his chest, as he laid him back down. "Don't move; you're still healing."

The shadowhunter did as he was told, trying unsuccessfully, to catch the other man's eye's. Magnus' hands slipped from him quickly, making Alec feel cold without his gentle touch. He couldn't take it anymore. He just wanted everything to go back to normal, he wanted to see those eyes that he woke up to every morning, and to see that bright smile. He wanted Magnus to love him again.

Tears welled up in his eyes, as his breathing hitched. "I'm so sorry, Maggie. I wanted to tell you about the soul sword but I … I screwed up. I know I did, but p-please just…I can't have you hating me. I can't stand it."

The warlock sat on the edge of the bed and closed his eyes as he sighed. His voice was quiet, and carefully controlled.

"I don't hate you, Alec. That's the worst part. I love you, so much; and you lied to me."

"I know-"

Magnus interrupted, face pinched in anger. "And then you do this to yourself." He gestured to the bandages covering the Nephilim's chest, hiding the claw marks beneath.

"Why didn't you tell anybody you were hurt?"

Alec looked down at himself, seeing the bruises for the first time. They were like ink blots; blooms of colour spreading outwards across his skin and peeking from beneath the white dressings.

Magnus' voice was tinged with something else now, almost afraid, and not as stable as it had been before.

"You were bleeding internally; you went into shock. You almost died! I…I almost lost you. How could you do that to me?"

His last words were so soft and quiet, that Alec scarcely heard them over his own laboured breaths.

"If I told Izzy and Jace, they would have called you and I couldn't stand to see you so upset again. I didn't want to hurt you. I'm sorry."

He looked up at Magnus' frown, and released a sob, shoulders shaking as he began to cry.

"I keep ruining things, and I hate being away from you. I know you don't trust me anymore but please…don't leave me, Magnus. I can't lose you. I'm so sorry."

Magnus's face was turned away from him, lips pressed tight together in an attempt to keep his emotions in. Alec let out another sob, weak hands reaching for the warlock as tears spilled down his cheeks as he whimpered out his name.

"Maggie."

Magnus' will crumbled. He couldn't stand to see his angel so hurt and distraught. He quickly turned to him and wrapped him up in his arms, holding him to his chest as Alec sobbed.

"Oh, Alexander. I love you, no fight is ever going to change that." A few tears of his own slipped out, as the injured shadowhunter hugged him back. It had only been a few days since their fight but he'd missed him so much.

It would take time to trust him again, to get back to how things were, but they would get there. They loved each other too much to let one fight separate them.

Alec was too worked up, chest heaving as he cried, and Magnus knew it wasn't good, or comfortable for his injured chest. So, laying him back in the bed, he ran a hand over his chest and took away his pain, before trailing a finger over Alec's bottom lip and sending a sleep spell into his mouth.

"Shhh, Alexander. Sleep now; we'll talk about this more when you're feeling better."

Alec's eyes dropped as the spell took hold, and he managed to take Magnus' hand in his before they closed completely.

"I love you." His words came as a sigh, slightly slurred and sweet as honey. He sounded relieved, and Magnus squeezed it back before brushing the Nephilim's hair back and placing a kiss on his forehead.

"I know, angel."

I know, that's why I can't stay mad. That's why I can't hate you. That's why I forgive you.


End file.
